Beyond Go Sit Down: Rethinking Consequences in Youth Programs
We’ve all received at some point consequences for our behavior.
You were probably told to “go sit down” as a kid because of something you’ve done. As an adult, you’ve probably seen a staff member say that to a kid that acts out. The consequence stays the same (go leave the group) no matter what the behavior is. If the kid does go sit down they likely stew, come back, and then do the same thing. Rinse and repeat. The staff member gets frustrated. The kid gets frustrated. Nothing changes.
You’ve also probably seen that staff member who makes things look effortless. They give great consequences but can’t explain it. It’s intuitive for them which makes it difficult to train in others. However, giving good consequences is trainable. You can prepare now for the summer and create better consequences because you know a camper is going to do something they’re not supposed to. You could sit down right now and name the top 10 ways they will do so.
Rather than defaulting to just telling a camper to sit down in the heat of the moment, make a plan now when you’re not (as) stressed. Those great consequences will help kids correct their behavior, get back on track, and get back to the fun.
The Problem: Consequences Designed by the Amygdala
I’d love to never have to give consequences. However, the moment you spend any time with kids you realize that consequences are a part of the work. I am differentiating from consequences and punishment, although they are often used (incorrectly) interchangeably. Punishment is a penalty designed to make someone suffer for a behavior; a consequence is a connected outcome designed to teach a better choice. Many consequences are designed in the moment when your amygdala is firing and sending emotions your way, whether you’re annoyed, frustrated, angry, or disappointed by a campers behavior. When your amygdala is fully going your frontal lobe (the decision making part of our brain) takes a back seat, making you unable to think as clearly. That’s why we default to consequences like “go sit down” and “you’re done.” We default to punishments.
However, you probably can predict the top 10-15 unwanted behaviors that will happen this summer. Kids are pretty predictable. You’ll have campers talk out of turn, not follow directions, go where they’re not supposed to go, be too loud at night, and so much more. Those are all developmentally appropriate behaviors, even if they are unwanted. Since you can predict them, the time to think of consequences is now, when you’re not in the heat of the moment and your frontal lobe is fully in charge.
There is a concept I’m pretty fond of from special education called MTSS, or multi-tiered systems of support. In this model you can separate campers (and their behaviors) into three categories:
Tier 1 – These are the developmentally appropriate behaviors that can be handled generally by strong routines and skilled line staff. These are what we’re talking about today. This should be about 80% of your campers.
Tier 2 – These are more severe behaviors that often involve camp leadership, such as a unit leader or all the way up to the camp director. Campers in Tier 2 require a bit more support, including small group interventions. This should be about 15% of your campers.
Tier 3 – The most intense behaviors that need specialist support and possibly dismissal from your program. Line staff are not handling these behaviors, behavior interventionists are. This should represent about 5% of your campers.
We’re talking about building out consequences for Tier 1 behaviors, the predictable ones that most staff can handle. More advanced behavioral issues require more targeted and specialized support.
The 4 Types of Consequences
Consequences tend to fall into one of four categories: logical, natural, restorative, and punitive.
Logical Consequences – These are the consequences that are directly linked to the original unwanted behavior. All your consequences should aim to be logical. These are consequences you could explain to the kid (and their family) why the consequence fits the behavior. The kid might not like it but at least understands the why. A camper keeps skipping out on cleaning after each meal, so helps clean up during a different meal or helps clean up the kitchen. You explain that part of being in community is helping clean, and since they did not contribute in the original way, they are contributing in another way. That is a logical consequence.
Natural Consequences – By far my favorite, these are when the “universe provides” and the consequences happen without any specific intervention on your part. If you tell a camper to tie their shoes, they refuse, and then trip while running, that is a natural consequence. There are limits of course, and you must use your best judgement. A key part of these is to let the natural consequence be the consequence. There’s no need to pile on.
Restorative Consequences – I believe deeply in the power of restorative practices and in turn restorative consequence. These consequences focus on the relationships and seek to repair relational harm caused by the undesired behaviors. If a camper is skipping out on cleaning chores, they must participate in a facilitated conversation with the rest of the cabin about how their actions have impacted others. However, I have a big asterisk when using these. I have found younger educators often want to reach for these by they require a lot of skill to ensure the circle doesn’t cause more harm and the time and space to make it work. Most camps don’t have the people and time to do this right, so while you should explore these, they likely are not part of the 10-15 you would write before summer.
Punitive Consequences - These consequences have no direct connection to the unwanted behavior. A classic example might be a camper who is kipping out of chores so they don’t get dessert or have to sit out the big game. These consequences often make the adults feel better and just anger the camper. Punitive consequences are the cultural norm and your staff often come in with experience of these consequences being applied to them. However, they should be avoided at all costs.
The 6 Principles of Effective Consequences
When designing consequences, keep these 6 principles in mind:
Make it Logical - There should be a clear connection between the behavior and the consequence. The camper should understand why they have the consequence, even if they don’t like it.
Keep it Proportional - Start small. Don’t go nuclear on the first offense. You have nowhere to go if it happens again and likely will cause more harm than good if you do too much, too fast.
Stay Consistent Across Staff - The same behavior should get the same response regardless of which staff member is on duty. This isn’t the say the same behavior from different campers always gets the exact same consequence – context matters.
Be Timely – The closer the consequence is to the infraction, the more effective it is. If you can’t do it right away, a simple “I’ll let you know your consequence soon,” can do the trick. Wondering about the consequence is often a consequence itself!
Keep it Private – Especially for older kids. Public correction damages relationships and creates power struggles.
Be Warm & Firm - You can hold a boundary and don’t need to be a jerk about it. The tone is matter-of-fact, not angry. “This happened. Here’s what’s next. I’m not mad. Let’s move forward.”
Planning for the Summer: Building Your Consequence Bank
Now is the time to start planning your summer consequences. You know the most likely behaviors to happen and it’s far better to think through the consequences now rather than in the heat of the moment. Here’s an exercise you can do for yourself, your leadership team, or your entire staff.
Step 1: List the 10-15 most common infractions at your program. Examples might be refusing to participate, disrespect to staff, not following directions quickly, correctly, & the first time, cursing, etc.)
Step 2: For each infraction, write one consequence for each of the four categories. Not all will work for every behavior, and the goal is to lift up those that work and avoid those that don’t (punitive). Identifying punitive goals builds the skill of identifying and avoiding them in the future. From the list of consequences identify the one that makes the most sense for each infraction.
Step 3: Complete a quality check. You or someone else should use the 6 Principles to check each of the consequences to ensure it’s as good as it can be.
Step 4: Give this bank before the summer starts to your staff. Have it be a part of your larger behavioral systems.
Common Mistakes
There are a few common mistakes to avoid when writing consequences:
Designing Consequences When You’re Angry – Your own emotions are fully flowing, which prevents your calmer, more rational brain from functioning correctly. You are less able to make sure consequences are logical and aligned with your camp values and more likely to respond in a way that just makes you feel better at the expense of camper learning
Using the Same Consequence for Every Behavior – It can be tempting, in the name of fairness, to give everyone the same thing. However, context matters. The kid who talked out of turn the 7th time during a single activity is different from the one that did it just once. What might seem fair on paper might instead by damaging relationships and not teaching the new behaviors.
Consequences that are Actually Punishments – Consequences should reduce or redirect the unwanted behavior and in turn have the camper learning something. Punishments just make the camper feel bad. Without learning, the camper can’t improve their behavior.
Skipping the Incremental Step – Going from zero to “call your parents” with nothing in between gives you nowhere to go. If you go big, you also have to follow-through with the consequence. Start small with consequences you know you can enforce right way.
Forgetting the Path Back - Finally, make sure there is a specific way a camper can get back to the rest of the summer. Have they restored the relationships they needed to do? Is someone making sure they completed their consequence? The whole reason consequences are applied are to help a camper make the best choices to have the best summer.
Practical Applications
With summer around the corner there are a few specific things you can do:
Before next summer: Write a consequence bank for your 10 most common infractions using the four-type framework. Do it now while your frontal lobe is in charge.
During training: Have staff practice delivering consequences using warm/firm tone. Role-play it. The tone matters as much as the consequence itself. Interested in a pre-made training you present? Consider one of our licensed trainings.
During the season: When a consequence doesn't work, don't just try harder. Ask: was it logical? Was it incremental? Was it private? Diagnose before you escalate.
Concluding Thoughts
Good consequences build deeper relationships by helping kids understand how to be their best in the camp setting. When delivered warmly and firmly with a logical connection to the infraction, these can be a powerful tool to keeping everyone safe and happy. Newer counselors can sometimes shy away from good consequences from fear they will damage the relationship. However, keeping in mind the 6 principles of effective consequences will keep everyone on track.
Consider partnering with us on this work. There are a few ways we could support:
In-Person or Virtual Training by Thrive Point Studio – We’ll teach all of this and more. Staff will leave with a specific list of consequences ready for the summer
Licensed Thrive Point Studio Training – Want to deliver it yourself, or don’t have the budget for a trainer? Purchase the license to this training to use with your staff for years to come
Consulting Services – Want help building all this out but don’t need a trainer? We can be your sidekick as you do the work before, during, and after the summer.
Licensed Training: Beyond Go Sit Down
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